Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old

Shields was approached to do a one-woman show for two weeks at the Café Carlyle in 2023. She initially declined the invitation but later decided to accept, despite worrying about how critics would receive her performance. She enjoys singing and chose not to deny herself the opportunity. Shields believes that letting fear guide one’s decisions, especially when it is an opportunity to do something enjoyable, is unwise. Shields’s one-woman show is a metaphor for her liberation. For many years, her identity was tied to motherhood and marriage. She is now freed from the “external pressures or timelines around fertility or parenting” and willing to make her wants and needs a priority (17). She is able to focus on herself more now that her children do not need her as much, yet she still finds centering herself uncomfortable at times.

One day, Shields met a fan who showed her a photograph of a car for sale with a notice in the window indicating that Shields previously owned it; it was the first car Shields bought as a teen. The experience encouraged Shields to reflect on all she had given to others over the years, and she repurchased the car, which inspired the name of her one-woman show and this chapter’s title. This act symbolized her reclaiming her agency.

The roles that Shields is offered today have little depth, which she finds frustrating. The film industry treats middle-aged women as invisible. A 2019 report found that women over 50 were cast in no leading roles in films that year. When women in this demographic did appear on screen, they were usually shown as “frumpy,” “feeble,” or “senile” (21). The film industry both reflects and shapes how society sees women over 50. This ageism impacts policies that affect women’s lives around the globe. For example, the global datasets that inform decisions made by the United Nations and other influential organizations often only include women under the age of 50. Medical care for women in midlife is also infused with ageism. Research shows that only one out of five medical residents in gynecology have any training on menopause. Yet research shows that women in midlife are the opposite of how the media depict them: They have strong cognitive skills and emotional regulation. Happiness also increases for people in midlife.

Shields characterizes her current self as ambitious, curious, hardworking, humorous, and compassionate. Identifying these traits has become easier with age; it is not a sign of arrogance to value oneself, as young women are often told. Shields no longer expects perfection from herself but centers her enjoyment; this acceptance is “an accomplishment of its own” (27). Shields believes that women’s lives are a “one-woman show” in which they control their stories.

Shields discussed her experience with postpartum depression (PPD) in her 2005 book, Down Came the Rain. The subject was rarely publicly discussed at the time, and she wanted to highlight an important issue that many women suffer from in silence and shame. Shortly thereafter, actor Tom Cruise criticized her during a Today Show interview in which he claimed that it was risky to take antidepressants and irresponsible for Shields to claim that they were effective. This incident, which she dubs “Cruise-gate,” left Shields in shock, especially because she personally knew Cruise and had a warm relationship with him. She confronted Cruise in an op-ed for The New York Times, titled “War of Words.” Shields asserted that Cruise had no business criticizing her because he never suffered from postpartum depression and condemned his assertion that the condition can be treated through exercise and vitamins alone. Shields chose to respond in writing so that her words could not be taken out of context. The op-ed ignited a backlash against Cruise and raised awareness about postpartum depression.

Shields rejected the submissive, people-pleasing persona she had cultivated as a young woman when she responded to Cruise. By the time she reached her forties, she had begun to feel more confident and no longer sought validation from others. This shift contrasts with a trend that characterizes many young women: Research indicates that young women’s confidence begins to decrease around 14 and does not catch up to men’s confidence levels again until around the age of 50. Shields defines confidence as security in one’s abilities, not as arrogance. Healthy confidence means that one can admit when they lack knowledge because they trust that they can learn. One can build confidence by facing challenges that, when overcome, strengthen one’s belief in their abilities: “[A]s women age, and overcome more hard things, they’ve built a larger bank of confidence that becomes more solid” (39).

Shields admits that responding to Cruise was frightening; many women worry that others will deem them “hysterical” if they stick up for themselves (42). Yet she knew that she had to speak out because she was defending herself and other mothers who suffered from postpartum depression. The positive responses to her op-ed encouraged Shields’s confidence. She began to say “no” more often to things she did not want to do rather than saying “yes” to please others. However, society has yet to fully accept middle-aged women’s rising confidence. Shields notes one study that found that women professors’ student evaluation scores declined as they entered their forties. This decline reflects the perception of older women as abrasive, while confidence in men is viewed as an inherently masculine trait.

Cruise apologized privately to Shields but never took public ownership of his disparaging remarks. His tirade shined a light on an important women’s medical issue. Shields “testified in front of Congress,” and “[i]n New Jersey, a law was passed requiring doctors to educate expectant mothers about PPD and to screen them for depression at postpartum visits” (46).

When Shields’s friends Ali Wentworth and George Stephanopoulos approached her a decade ago about making a documentary about her career, called Pretty Baby, she provided and digitized archives of her career and early life. The film was released in 2023 at the Sundance Film Festival, where Shields received a standing ovation. Its purpose was to use Shields’s experiences to highlight the objectification of young women in the US. The film’s director, Lana Wilson, remarked that Shields’s “poise,” even at a young age, impressed her; interviewers often questioned Shields about her mother’s influence on her career, but Shields repeatedly defended her mother from criticism, a position in which she should not have been placed as a tween. Archived footage shows a reporter asking Shields the same question repeatedly, using different phrasing, because she is looking for a different response. Eventually, Shields remarks, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t think you want my answer, because I keep answering you and I don’t have a different answer—this is my truth” (50-51). Years later, Shields was struck by the confidence she saw in her younger self and wondered what happened later to destroy it.

Women rarely give themselves credit for their successes, Shields concludes. Research confirms that this trend is more common in women. Shields, thanks to therapy, now sees her survival in the entertainment industry as an accomplishment of which she should be proud. Reveling in one’s successes can have a positive effect on mental health, and showing compassion toward oneself increases overall well-being. Taking ownership of one’s accomplishments also empowers women to tackle other tasks.

The documentary also inspired Shields to reflect on regret. Age has allowed her to release her regrets; research indicates that people in midlife have more regrets about what they failed to do in life. Shields is determined to confront fears that might hold her back. Simultaneously, accepting one’s limits is essential to happiness. She recalls a time when she attempted surfing lessons despite her fear of deep water. She concluded, after several attempts, that she was not enjoying the experience. It caused more stress than pleasure, so she stopped.

Overcoming challenges leads to greater happiness as women reach midlife, which studies confirm. In contrast, Shields’s college-aged daughters have extreme highs and lows. For Shields, “[n]othing is all good or all bad anymore. When things are hard, [she] know[s] they won’t be hard for long” (58). This wisdom comes with experience brought by age. Today, she finds the future exciting instead of feeling like she must strategize the rest of her life, as she did when she was younger. Shields believes that women can find happiness by coming to terms with their past and celebrating successes.