54 pages • 1 hour read
My Dark Romeo
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Themes
Complex Power Dynamics in Intimate Relationships
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of sexual content, child abuse, child death, gender discrimination, and emotional abuse.
Dallas Townsend and Romeo Costa’s dynamic illustrates the complex power dynamics that often define intimate relationships. In Dallas and Romeo’s relationship, both characters fight for power because they want to control the other and claim agency over themselves. Romeo exhibits dominating, emotionally abusive behaviors because he doesn’t see Dallas as “a three-dimensional character with needs, wants, and motivations” (36). He holds misogynistic beliefs, seeing her as a beautiful, bratty, and immature young woman who he can manipulate to get his way and exact his revenge against Madison Licht and Romeo Costa, Sr. (Senior). Because he regards her as weak, inexperienced, and one-dimensional, he not only finds it easy to manipulate her but also feels no guilt about treating her like a captive pawn in his larger plan. His behavior meanwhile angers Dallas and forces her to play Romeo’s power games to regain control of her life.
Dallas toys with Romeo to prove herself to him and to regain power within a limiting situation. Because her marriage was arranged, she had no choice about leaving her home and family in Chapel Hills and moving to Potomac with Romeo. Once in Potomac, however, she begins to realize that if she doesn’t assert herself, she will lose her autonomy. The repeated scenes of her standing up to Romeo physically and verbally convey her strong will. Over time, Romeo’s regard for her begins to change because she refuses to back down and let him control and manipulate her. He stops seeing her “as a nuisance” and begins to respect her (220). This shift occurs after the couple has unprotected sex in the car, and Dallas gives Romeo an ultimatum about treating her properly:
After all, she held the upper hand in almost all of our mental games. And this time, she’d brought me to the brink, then tipped me over the edge. Made me fuck her bareback, and feel guilty about the whole thing, and bargain with her, too. Dallas Costa was no plaything. She was my equal, and it would be wise to treat her as such (220).
At the novel’s outset, Dallas and Romeo fulfill stereotypical notions of femininity and masculinity. Dallas is the “innocent virgin” beholden to the men in her life, while Romeo is the heartless, aggressive husband who assumes responsibility for his wife, who he views as ignorant and fragile. However, over time, the characters become strong and vulnerable in unexpected ways. Romeo indeed knows how to hide his emotions to focus on business and politics and to protect himself, but he also has a softer side, which he learns to embrace with Dallas. Dallas is indeed young and has a more feminine expression of her sexuality, but she also proves herself to be determined, self-possessed, and fiercely protective of those she loves. By the novel’s end, the characters become equals. They’re both capable of exerting power over others but learn how to use their strength to uphold their relationship instead of hurting each other. The authors use these characters’ growth to show that an equitable balance of power allows for a more sustainable romantic relationship.
The Transformative Power of Love
Dallas and Romeo’s enemies-to-lovers relationship proves that love can change the individual over time. Dallas and Romeo hate each other when they first meet at the debutante ball. Dallas sees Romeo as the epitome of evil while Romeo sees Dallas as “a gorgeous, spoiled, petulant child” (36). Their disdain for one another at the novel’s start incites the narrative tension, conflict, and stakes. If they don’t figure out a way to get along, the two will hurt each other in grave ways: Dallas tells Romeo that there’s nothing she “want[s] more in this life” than to “watch [Romeo] suffer for all the suffering” he has caused her (57), and Romeo actively mistreats Dallas, reveling in her discomfort, and often threatening to discard her back in Chapel Falls with a ruined reputation. Their ire thus makes a sustainable, loving relationship look impossible at the novel’s start. However, repeated allusions to Dallas and Romeo’s sexual attraction to one another provide an opening for connection and intimacy.
Once Dallas and Romeo learn how to open up to each other sexually and emotionally, they discover their affection for each other and begin to change: “Pain, desire, and truth [are] the DNA of love” (249). Both characters have past pain, and both characters desire one another. After they begin to share the truth about themselves, they discover how much they admire one another. For years, Romeo has convinced himself that hate is “a more powerful drive than love,” but Dallas teaches him that love “is an effortlessly potent fuel” (261). The characters gradually form a passionate sexual relationship, which leads them to connect on an emotional level. Intimacy lets them see new parts of themselves and inspires their character evolutions throughout the novel.
This emotional transformation is particularly profound for Romeo’s character. Romeo has sworn off sex and romance ever since Senior had sex with his ex, Morgan Lacoste. He decides to marry Dallas because he needs to satisfy Senior’s terms for inheriting the company and because he’s sure he will “never develop feelings for her” (305). However, once he learns about and appreciates Dallas’s quirks and idiosyncrasies, dreams and passions, everything he “once found awkward and unrefined about her end[s] up being [his] kryptonite” (305). Falling in love with Dallas, in turn, softens Romeo. He lets go of his bitterness against Senior and Morgan and his emotionally abusive actions and opens his heart once more. He learns how to make sacrifices to protect Dallas and make her happy. He also learns how to access his vulnerability and to let go of his shame. Dallas’s empathy and grace are expressions of her love, which ultimately transforms Romeo and strengthens the couple’s relationship.
The Challenges of Overcoming Past Trauma
Dallas and Romeo’s fraught relationships with the past illustrate how individual trauma affects one’s outlook, life, and identity in the present. For Dallas, her father’s historically domineering nature and her little sister Victoria’s death from SIDS continue to shadow her experiences as an adult. She’s learned that as a young woman from a wealthy Chapel Falls family, she’s expected to submit, obey, and stay quiet to men’s needs. She’s also learned that what’s most precious and beautiful can be taken from her without explanation. Her decisions and behaviors in the present are inspired by these experiences. For example, Dallas stands up to Romeo and refuses to be controlled by him—a habit she’s learned from her complex relationship with Shepherd Townsend. She is also passionate about raising money for SIDS awareness organizations because she doesn’t want others to experience the same loss as her family. Her trauma continues to impact her sense of self; however, unlike Romeo, Dallas can better acknowledge the pain she’s experienced, confront it, and actively work to overcome it rather than use it to fuel violence toward others. Over time, her strength of character and emotional maturity guide Romeo out of his pain and lead him toward healing.
Romeo’s fraught past is defined by his tumultuous relationship with his father, his bitterness toward his mother, aunt, and her boyfriend for mistreating him as a child, and his sustained heartbreak over Morgan’s betrayal. Because of these negative experiences, Romeo is convinced that “Life is much easier once you accept the fact that everyone will hurt you” (266). He embraces hatred and aggression over love and forgiveness to protect himself. He doesn’t want to get hurt again, but he also believes that “once broken, a heart can never mend” because “you cannot repair something that is already in pieces” (268). Romeo’s storyline captures how trauma fractures his sense of self and estranges him from others. Romeo pushes people away and structures his life around exacting revenge—behaviors that preclude him from healing. In not processing his past, including others’ violence toward him, he instead acts in physically and emotionally cruel ways to others, including Dallas.
Once Romeo begins to open up to Dallas, he takes the first step to processing and overcoming his pain. In Chapter 52, he tells Dallas the truth about Senior and Morgan, and in Chapter 63, he tells her the truth about his childhood. His monologues in these chapters have a confessional tone, which displays Romeo’s desire to be heard, seen, and understood. Dallas listens intently and receives his traumatic stories without judgment. Her empathy and grace show Romeo that it’s a sign of strength to own the pain he’s experienced in the past so that his life is no longer controlled by it. With Dallas’s help, Romeo moves beyond the past, builds a future with Dallas, and embraces his gentler side. His transformation and ability to overcome his trauma are possible due to his loving relationship with Dallas.
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